


vacancy in my bed (vacancy in my heart)

by semioticdaydream



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Epistolary, M/M, Sad Ending, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25819855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/semioticdaydream/pseuds/semioticdaydream
Summary: Finding a letter and an empty bed is not what Steve had expected when checking into his hotel room for the night.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11
Collections: Team Angst





	vacancy in my bed (vacancy in my heart)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my final fill for the Steve Tony Games, go team angst! Prompt: only one bed.

Steve fumbled with nervous excitement to unlock the door of a Greenwich hotel penthouse suite. The smile on his face faltered when he was hit with a wall of darkness upon opening the barrier. Carefully, he walked into the room, scanning for anything that might be out of place in the impeccable room. The only thing he would find was a folded piece of paper resting on a bedside table. Shaky fingers grasped the note, and he sat on the edge of the single bed to read the message. 

_Steve,_

_I’m so sorry._

_I can’t do it._

_I know we talked about this. I know you were excited. I was excited, too. At least I thought I was. I told myself I was. But now, I’m not so sure._

_I care about you. I do, so much, still._

_But looking at this bed, this only bed, something got to me. I just can’t bring myself to stay here._

_Please don’t blame yourself. This isn’t your fault. There isn’t anything you could have done or anything you didn’t do. This is me, this is all me. It’s always me._

_We talked about it, about finally sharing a bed. We talked and talked, and talked so much I even started having dreams of it, of waking next to you, of falling asleep at your side. Some mornings, I’d wake up thinking it was real._

_So many missions we went on, I know there were so many chances to have tried this before. So many times I know you switched rooms, or slept on the floor just to avoid the pressure of sharing one bed. So many times we walked into a safe house, just to find there was only one bed. You always left it to me, alone. I think I used to feel relief. Maybe now I wish that you hadn’t._

_Before, I used to look at a bed and think of nothing, or think of sleep, or think of sex. Or think of how much I hate it if it was decorated in that awful, garish, style of the ‘90s. (You know how I feel about bad taste.) But now, I see a bed and I think of you. And I don’t know why that makes me want to run._

_I’ve never been good at commitment. I’ve also never been good at letting people down. And I really, really don’t want to let you down. But I know that I have, and I will. And I always will._

_I know you said this doesn’t have to mean anything. I know you said we can take our time. I know you said everything right that was possible to be said about this. But I look at that bed and somehow your perfect words aren’t enough to keep me here._

_My dad always used to tell me, “Stark men are made of iron.” That was the way I used to see myself, the way I used to tell myself I had to be. Logically I know that’s bullshit. I know that’s an impossible standard to hold myself to. I know that way of thinking is reductive, and unfair, and harmful, and just plain cruel. I know because you told me. You made me start to believe it was wrong. But now, maybe I think Dad might have been right. When it comes to matters of the heart - I’m an iron man._

_I’m taking some time offline for a while, but I’ll be back soon. I hope I’ll see you at the tower when I’m back. I hope you’ll still stay living there with everyone, with the team, with me. I hope you won’t give up on me, not just yet._

_I hope one day we can find ourselves sharing a room, whether by choice or by necessity, and find that there is only one bed for our two bodies, for our two minds, for our two hearts. And I hope when that time comes, I won’t run away again._

_Tony_

Tears moistened the crumpled letter. Steve tossed the paper to the bin, steadied himself, and left the room. It was impossible not to feel the vacancy in the bed extend to his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading 🖤


End file.
